This is Part 2 in a series of blogposts for men, where I’m revealing some of the most essential sex tips, to help you avoid the most common mistakes women complain about, and become the best lover she’s ever had. (Missed part 1? Check it out here.)
Mucho importante: There is zero critique in this. It’s simply a fact that we weren’t exactly taught these things in school… So both men and women who are here to learn: congrats, kudos and warmly welcome!
So now that we’ve cleared that out, if that sounds good to you, then read on…
As a woman who have been blessed with deep and skillful lovers – as well as a few who were quite clueless about what the h*ll they were doing – I’ve come to realize what it is that separates the ‘good’ lovers from the OMG amazing ones…
One of the biggest sex complaints that I hear from women is that men don’t last long enough in bed…
Time and time again I’ve heard my female friends tell me that when they’re having sex it often feels like their partner is not really there. It feels more like a race towards orgasm.
Kind of like he’s masturbating inside her body instead of with his hand. Ouch. Yep, I know.
Since women generally take much longer than men to become aroused, a lot of us experience that the whole thing ends just when we’re getting started (and we end up with a guy snoring and rolling to his side).
The reason why it is so difficult to enjoy this kind of sex is when the love making is goal-oriented, it’s pretty much impossible to RELAX. A woman has to be relaxed in order to experience any kind of orgasm – thus, trying to ‘rush to have an orgasm’ before you, the guy, is a set up for guaranteed failure.
You might ask yourself, why does it take ‘so long’ for a woman to warm up?
The Taoist sexual masters describe men as being like fire, and women being like water.
This means that men are able to heat up very fast, but the fire can also be extinguished very quickly.
Women/water take a lot longer to warm up. But once we’re boiling we stay hot for a very long time.
If you really want to give a woman an experience of pleasure: take the time to bring her to her boiling point BEFORE you even begin having sex with her. In other words, really take the time for foreplay until she is begging for you to enter her!
And once you slide into her… the only way she’ll be able to really enjoy the experience, is if she can relax in the trust that it won’t be over in five seconds.
Most guys have no idea how much pleasure a woman can experience, because they don’t stay in there long enough. The key is to learn to last longer so you can take her deeper.
Tantra – the big game changer
Once of the most important aspects of tantric sex is to learn to contain and circulate the sexual energy INSIDE your body, versus releasing the tension through ejaculation.
Because holding your sexual energy (and your sperm) makes you very powerful! Ejaculation weakens you. (I’ll cover how this can propel her into deeper states of orgasm in a later post.)
The beauty of tantric loving is that when there is no end point, when the goal is not to reach ejaculation, when in fact there is no goal, then you can come together to truly connect and experience each other.
The unexpected bonus of this is that when a woman opens up in this way she’ll reveal to you her hidden capacity for receiving and giving pleasure.
And then you’ll eventually experience each moment and the ongoing NOW as much more pleasurable and deeply fulfilling than the quick spurt of an ejaculatory orgasm and the energy loss that follows.
If you haven’t yet practiced you ability to stay with her for long enough… then, when you do, you’ll be amazed by how much deeper and fuller the waves of pleasure can roll – for both of you to surf on.
David Deida has said that, for a man, a woman’s pleasure can be far more enjoyable than his own. And learning to last longer, stay present and take her deeper is the only way you’ll get to experience that.