The Downside of Spontaneity in Relationships

The best way to ensure a happy, fulfilling, passionate relationship is to simply meet the perfect person – and from there on enjoy an easy, spontaneous ride to happy ever after.

When we put it this way it might seem ridiculous, but the fact is that – whereas most people would agree that to get better at anything you have to practice – there’s ONE area where we tend to want everything to be fantastic by itself.

This area is our love– and sex lives. And if it isn’t spontaneously perfect, we decide something must be wrong.

When we speak to people in workshops about committing to a tantric practice, people sometimes object that they don’t want to “take the spontaneity out of their relationship”.

They think that by making a decision to practice deepening the relationship, it means that there’s something wrong with it.

That once we’ve found ‘the one’, then from there on we should be able to just ‘let it happen’.

But is that really how it works?

The funny thing is that the opposite is true.


The longer people are together, the less of the crazy-high-in-love-hormones will be running through your system, causing you to act spontaneously loving.

Although learning how to have Tantric Sex

And by nourishing your love relationship with a regular practice, it’s like creating riverbanks through which the river of love can flow. Without riverbanks, the waters of a river can turn into a swamp.

You don’t want that to happen right?

If we expect our relationship to work out fantastically without us working on it, it’s like expecting inner peace without meditation.

It might happen, when you’re lucky, but don’t count on it.

So. My invitation to you is to devote 5 minutes each day (just a measly 5 minutes!) to give a gift to your partner.

5 minutes a day. Try it for a week and see how it feels.

This gift can be loving words, touch (a little massage can work wonders), a flower, something more spicy, or anything else that you feel your lover would enjoy.

Never underestimate the miraculous ripple effect of giving 5 minutes of head massage, sweet embrace or a surprise blow job…

If you’re single and want to attract a partner – try this:

Every day, imagine for 5 minutes how you would treat your beloved.

Give him/her 5 minutes of heaven, see it in your mind’s eye, and feel those sensations in your own body. Connect to that wonderful feeling, and then just let it go.

You may just find that you enjoy giving so much that 5 minutes turn into many more.

You’ll also notice how you begin getting creative in finding new ways to give to your partner. It’s like a fun game – where no one loses.

Important caveat: don’t expect anything in return, or demand that your partner joins the game. It’s a practice in giving to give.

Try it for a week and see how you feel!